Monday, November 25, 2013

Cornucopia of Thanks

It's Thanksgiving week!
Gobble, gobble, gobble!

Our meal is tucked away in the fridge and cabinets.  It's almost that time to smell the goodness that will by permeating from our busy kitchen! 
We will be seeing my folks for dessert, but, as far as dinner goes, it's just the three of us.  And I am so excited!

And John is cooking it all!  How ridiculously sweet is that man???

Ok, well, he's not cooking it all - I will still be preparing the bird for Thanksgiving.  I always prepare the turkey the night before.  Around midnight to one in the morning, I put my turkey in the oven, and I cook it all night long on a lower heat setting.  Cooking it over night means that we wake up to the delicious aroma of turkey in the morning.  And it helps keeps the house a little warmer too.  It's a win-win!

I was thrilled when John offered to do the rest of the meal, though.  I honestly don't see how I could've done it.  Lord knows I would've tried.  But, the good Lord knows - as well as John - that I definitely wouldn't have been able to do it.  I probably would've made it to the sweet potato casserole, then I would've popped a pain killer, wiped the tears from off of my face and went back to the bedroom to cry about how much I hurt.

Olivia had expressed wanting to go to my parent's house for the meal, but we reminded her that if it's just the three of us, she'll get even more of her favorite dish all to herself  - her favorite dish?  The green bean casserole.  Once she heard that, her eyes got real big, a smile came over her face and she quickly got over not spending the day over at my parent's house. 

I highly considered buying a bottle of wine this year.  After all, it will be just us.  John's making the meal, and my instructions are to just relax and enjoy the day.  I was told to watch parades and to cuddle on the sofa with my Olive. 
So, I decided not to purchase any wine.  I mean, who needs it?  After all, it wouldn't be too smart to mix my new pain killers with alcohol. 

Speaking of my new pain meds.  I had another appointment with my pain management doctor.  The newest pills I'm on has my pain levels pretty consistent now.  My morning numbers have gone down (on a scale of 1 - 10) and my evening levels are starting to decrease as well.  Thank God for opioids. It's about time too.  I mean, I've only spent the better part of two years in dire straits and I've been waiting for that one pill - that one pill I knew was out there - to try and stave off some of this unbearable pain I've been having. 

This cold weather has brought out the flannel sheets and the ever so missed electric blanket.  I had that  sucker cranked up so high, I almost peed in my bed when I crawled into it.  It was so superbly comfortable and warm! 

Well, I guess that 's it. 
I will try to post again between now and Friday, but don't count on it.  I'll be too busy stuffing my face with turkey and pumpkin pie to blog about anything more important. 

Have a happy Thanksgiving all!

Oh wait
One more thing...

It wouldn't be a proper Thanksgiving post if I didn't tell you all what I am thankful for this year.

1) I'm thankful to be married to such a wonderful and compassionate man. 
2) I'm thankful to have such a loving and sweet daughter - one who is growing up too fast!
3) I'm thankful that we have a full Thanksgiving meal to eat this year
4) I'm thankful that I have two loving parents who are always there for us
5) I'm thankful that I finally found a good pain management doctor
6) I'm thankful for my smart phone (that thing has kept me from getting lost so many times)
7) I'm thankful that I have 3 loving older brothers and 1 loving younger sister
8) I'm thankful that we have heat in this cold weather
9) I'm thankful for the fact that John took away all my (family and in-law BS) problems with kind words and love
10)  I'm thankful that I found a church who accepts me as I am...

This list is in no particular order....

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

Sunday, November 17, 2013

This and That part 5

Our Christmas decorations are up.  We have a combo of steady and blinking lights.  And our little tree is still erect (hehehe... yup, I said erect) and only has lights on it this year.  I didn't bother with the garland or ornaments this year for our little six foot tree, only because we have a new kitten in the house who will be experiencing his very first Christmas.
I kind of like my old and vintage Christmas tree ornaments, and I would hate to have to kill my Apollo for taking one off of the tree to make it his very own play thing.  Besides, he was so in love with all of the lights that I know - I KNOW - I made the right decision.  Who needs to be screaming at a kitten during the holiday season, grabbing the migraine medicine and ripping the hair out? 
Not this blogger.... that is for sure.

We also started to plan our Thanksgiving feast.  I am super excited about it this year. 
Not only are we staying at home, and quite possibly in our pajamas all day long, but John has told me that he will be preparing most of the meal for me. 
Why is he doing the cooking, and not me? 
One, because he loves me.  He recognizes the agony I go through every day thanks to my small fiber neuropathy.  He wants me off my feet and on the couch cuddling with Olivia while watching holiday programming.  Bring on the parades!
Two, because I think he wants to prove (to himself) that he can.  That man has gotten so creative in the kitchen since he started to do most of the cooking.  He has surprised me numerous times with the things that he comes up with... Some tasty treats have been made by his hands....

So, anyway, we were invited to a few places for Thanksgiving, but have decided to spend a stress free and turkey aroma filled day in our home watching the parade and sneaking little bits of turkey into our mouths while waiting for the rest of the dinner to be made.
That makes me very, very thankful...

Now, on to other news.

I am on yet, another pain killer from my pain management doctor.  I've said it with the two I've had and I'm saying it again.  I am hopeful these will continue to work. 
I have some times when I seriously want to soak my feet in ice or just saw them off completely - I mean, you try dealing with (what can only be described as) broken glass in your feet.  There are times when it feels as though my feet are both extremely hot and unbearably cold - all at the same time!  And then there are other times when I feel as though I have an unprecedented sunburn on my feet, and someone is poking me with a million tiny little needles - day in and day out. 
I think I can say with certainty that I need some pretty powerful and potent pain killers.  And I'm on an entirely new class of them this time.
When John and I were at the drive thru at the pharmacy, he handed the girl our script and she said, "Sylvia, I know that I know you.  But, I have to look at your license anyway."   We were also told that the pharmacist was the only one allowed to fill my particular drug. 
So, these new pills are working, as they are quite powerful.  And I really hope and pray that their longevity in killing my agonizing pain will continue.  I can only cry into my hands so much before I highly consider putting a gun to my temple.

Speaking of my pain, I have been getting crazy high numbers for blood sugars.  I have noted and let the endocrinologist know that I will be needing an additional two bottles of insulin per month to make it through.  I have a feeling that it's because of my extreme misery that my blood sugars are being so radical.  Because it's the leading cause of my small fiber neuropathy to begin with.  High blood sugars over an extended period of time does, in fact, cause neuropathy. 

I am praying constantly for a cure - not just for type 1 diabetes - but for neuropathy as well.  There has got to be a permanent fix for it!  I would be first in line for human trials if medical science got close to it.  This agony and severe discomfort isn't meant for anyone.  I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. 

Let's see...
What else...

Oh yes.  Olivia got an A+ on her Martin Luther King Jr. project.  She was so thrilled.  She was the first one in her class to bring her poster board in, and she says hers looks the best too.  To which I replied, "Of course it is.  You made it."   She just smiled her perfect smile and as she walked into her bedroom to - as she puts it - listen to her Ipod, I felt a sudden rush of satisfaction and delight for I am a proud mom! 
Olivia has such an artistic touch and has an amazing talent.  Not only can my daughter whip up a good written story (yeah, she gets that one from me) but she can draw a flower like nobody's business.  I have a box full of artwork and crafts that my daughter has made me - up in my closet.  On a shelf, and every now and then, I pull it down to look over all of her handiwork. 
I have to say, John and I really know how to produce a great child.  :)   I like to think that she gets all of her good stuff from me... LOL!   Of course though, she gets a lot of who she is from the two of us combined.  The good and the bad.  But, all Olivia... All Olivia....
I guess that about does it for now.  I'm off to bed and under the covers. 

Goodnight my few, but dear readers. 
And thanks for reading...

                                          Olivia with John and me... <3

how my feet feel most of the time...

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Loving in an Unconditional Sort of Way (isn't always easy)

So, Olivia had a good friend of hers spend the weekend at our house not that long ago.  She's known this girl for many years, and John and I have come to know and love her as well.
We had plans to go to church.  Their main reason for wanting to go was the hopes of seeing my mom (Olivia's Nanny) there, so they could show her the new bracelets that they had been working on.
While on the phone with my mom on Saturday night, I had inquired to her whether or not she had planned on coming to church the next day.
My mom had said she would try her best to come, if only to see Olivia. 
I couldn't help but think how amusing that response was.

When Sunday morning rolls around, the first instinct I have is to turn off the alarm clock and pull the covers over my head.  Seriously.  The last thing I want to do is get up out of bed, especially in the colder months, just to listen to how bad of a sinner I am.
I usually lie in bed for a few minutes, turn the TV up so I can hear it, and then I will reflect on the reasons that I should go to church. 
I can always count on both hands the reasons why I should get up and go to church, and only count on one hand the reasons to stay home - unless of course I'm really ill or something to that effect.

What has church done for me?

Well, it certainly puts into perspective the actions that I have done for the week.  Some bad, some good, some indifferent.
I usually walk away with a more kind and generous attitude than when I first walked into church.  And I also learn new and more prudent ways to worship God.

With all of that said....

I continue to stumble, day after day.  Week after week.  And month after month. 
I sometimes will apologize for wrong doing, but there are times when my stubbornness will definitely override any feeling of good will or mature responses.
My thoughts, if I am to be perfectly honest is usually like this...
"Apologize to them???  Really?  They need to apologize to me!"

And there's that selfish attitude that we all suffer with. 
Yup.  I am selfish.  And stubborn.  And wicked.  And I can be a real pill at times. 
But, I am no different than any of the people in church with me  -  or of course any of the people that don't go to church. 
We're all the same.  Selfish  minded people. 
And none of us likes to admit it. 
But, here I am. 
Admitting to what I am...
I have a lot of positive attributes though.  I am a kind woman, but usually to those that are kind to me first.  I am a phenomenal mom, but usually when Olivia is behaving as she should.  I am a terrific wife - there's no "but" for this one. 
I am a terrific wife. 
So, why is it that my good only comes out when good first happens to me.  And why is it that my bad flies out when bad has happened to me?
It's because I am human.
And humans, by default are selfish creatures. 

A few weeks ago, I had to deal with family crap - crap that I didn't bring on, but crap that I had to deal with nonetheless.  I dealt with lies - told about me.  I dealt with mean behavior.  I dealt with selfish mindsets.  I dealt with child like attitudes.  I dealt with people in my life that have never really respected me as a mom or a wife.  I dealt with people who wanted to bring me down. 
At first when it all started, I mean initially, when it first happened, I decided that I wasn't going to bring John in on what was being said to me and what was being done to me.
I thought to myself that John wasn't going to have to deal with this.  He's dealt with it his whole life and I didn't want to bring him in.  I wanted to keep him out of it.
That was my first mistake.

I should've told him the minute it happened.  But because of that action, because of my not wanting to let John know what was going on, I let those who were doing me wrong have all the power.
That power didn't last for long though.  At most, a little less than 24 hours.  Till those who were persecuting me went too far and started to tell lies. 
That's when I told John everything.  And that's when "you know what" hit the fan. 
That's when years of church going and proper upbringing should've won. 
A truly kind person would've forgave and let it go. 
But, I am not a truly kind person. 
I wanted to fix it and fix it fast, and fixing it for me was to try and handle it the way I saw fit.
So, I sent an email and blogged about my family troubles.  After all, blogging is what I do when I'm upset about anything.Heck, I could be sick for a few days and then blog, and almost instantly I almost always feel better.
So, what I do is write.  I write till I exhaust my hands and fingers.
That's exactly what I did.  I turned to my computer for comfort and peace.  I let my feelings take hold and I let the words come out - some were mean, albeit true.  And I see now that maybe I should've kept my blog posts to just a smaller audience. 
My thoughts were always, "Heck, if they don't like it, they don't have to read it."  or  "Let them start their own blog."  or  "Ya know, it's my blog, and I can write about what I want when I want."

All thoughts that were wrong in theory, although right in what was said...

Wrong though for not just getting up and dealing with it like we should've. 
Perhaps, we should've done it face to face.  Although, in the past, that wasn't always the wisest choice.  Maybe I should've let John take the reins from the get go.  Instead of letting them hurt me, I could've just let it roll off of me and not paid any attention. 
But, as a sinner, a person who thinks "worldly thoughts" first, I decided to handle it in my own way. 

And boy, that was a wrong move, because it cost - not only me and John - but Olivia as well. 

So, while I didn't start this whole thing, I could've ended it a long time ago. 
I could've been the hero here in this situation.  I could've been the bigger person.  I could've been the more honorable person. 
I chose to be selfish - in pointing out all the things that they had said and done that were untrue.  I chose to be wicked - in letting the world in on private matters.  I chose to be stubborn - in not just letting it go. 
I held on to emotions and feelings that had no place in my life.  I clung on to the need "to prove them wrong".  I desperately needed to be right. 

And that, my few, but dear readers was wrong.

I was wrong. 

I was wrong.

I was wrong.

I wasn't wrong in what initially started this whole mess. 
I was wrong in how I reacted to this whole mess.

Sure, they were wrong too.  But, I can't control them.  I can only control me. 
And I acted in an out of control responses.

So, I think I will keep going to church. 
I think it does me good to reflect on my bad attitude (at times) and it certainly can't be wrong in just loving people - even those who are hard to love - in a more God like way.  In an undemanding and consequence free kind of way. 
Nobody can go wrong when they love like that. 

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

It's Beginning to Look Alot Like...

Well, it's here...
The holiday season.
Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's....

I for one, am looking forward to them all!
We're already working on our Thanksgiving menu, and because of finances, we will have to buy things a little at a time.  This week, we'll pick up my delicious sweet potato casserole side dish, complete with a marshmallow and cinnamon topping.
Next week, we'll probably get my green bean casserole side dish, of course completed with French fried onions...

I have yet to get Olivia's "wish list", but I know that she's been thinking about it - long and hard.  And I am just crossing my fingers that it's all something that won't break our bank account.... I refuse to use credit cards this year.  I'm still paying off last year's Christmas shopping trips, and this year I will NOT go into any more debt!

We already made up our minds to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas at the old homestead here.  No travel plans to speak of, which of course makes John a very happy camper....
Although I'm sure we'll be roped into my own family's Christmas get together, that seems to be the only thing we'll end up going to this year.
Well, maybe. 
I have a feeling he'll change his mind...
I sort of just stared at him, blinked once or twice when he told me...
"What?  No travelling at allNo where???"
"Nope.  Just us this year."
I never thought I'd say this about myself, because I am always the first one to jump at any free food for any special occasion (ya know, pain willing).  But, I think John is finally wearing me down.  Just the thought of not having to go anywhere, not having to deal with holiday traffic, more people in a room than I find comfortable, or putting on a fake smile when I just hurt so badly...
Well, I'm kind of already sighing with relief.

So, while we start gearing up for the 2013 holiday season, I'm pretty stoked about it being stress free and quiet around here.  It'll definitely be that (quiet) if what John says is true... I'm kind of sad that it will have to be that way, but it is what it is.  Like I said though, he may just change his tune as the holidays creep closer.
We are decorating the house in two weekends, and I'm curious to see if our kitten Apollo will be alive or dead by New Year's.   I have a feeling that the words coming out of my mouth will be:

"HEY!  APOLLO!  DROP IT!"  as he scurries off with an irreplaceable ornament or some gold garland...

And this year, unlike last year, I'm recruiting John to help out.  He will be hanging more lights and helping put things away.  Usually, I'm more than happy to put on the Christmas music and do it alone, but last year, after all was put up, I sat down and bawled like a baby because I hurt so badly.  I am not going to repeat that this year.  Olivia and John will definitely be helping... At least in some capacity. 

I'll tell you what I'm most looking forward to though...
That's tax season...
That is way better than all three major holidays put together....
And this year, my first full year without any sort of working income, we're pretty stoked about our return.  And we sort of already have plans for that...
Let's just say, we're hoping to NOT call our home, home for that much longer.  Fingers are crossed! 

If we have enough left over, I'm sort of hoping for a trip to Florida as well.  My parents are already planning a trip to Florida, and have lovingly invited John, Olivia, and me to kind of travel with them. 
That will be fun!   Vacationing with my folks always is a lot of fun, and I am really hoping to make this trip with them... My fingers are also crossed for that.

Let's see...

Oh yes. 

My new pain pills are still highly effective.  They're working like they should and I'm still keeping a pain diary, which is not only therapeutic for me, but very helpful for my pain management doctor.  I'm getting consistently lower and lower numbers.  I'm loving the fact that my pain is, at least for the moment, subdued. 

Well, I guess that's it for now...
Thanks for reading, my few but dear readers.
Till next time...


Sunday, November 3, 2013

Stay Back You Aliens!

This past weekend was a real tough one for me...
I am raising a teenager...
And that makes life really, really difficult.
If she's not an emotional and hormonal wreck, she's forgetful, clumsy, and/or troubled by some drama at school...
I'm ready to yank all of my hair out and call myself GI Jane.
I certainly don't want to be walking around hairless, cause I mean, how else am I to keep my shoulders warm???

But, my soon-to-be teenage daughter is driving me nuts!!!
I had a visit from Olivia's grandmother last week, and it was a nice visit.  Coffee and small talk and all.... Olivia's cousins were in tow, and Olivia had a great time with them in her room while the adults sat in the living room with their caffeine.
Apparently, Olivia had such a good time with her cousins that she wanted to spend a lot more time with them, so she asked her grandmother if she could spend some extra time with them over the weekend...
Of course, her ever loving grandmother had said yes and Olivia was so excited...

That is...

Until she remembered that she already had weekend plans....

Double Sigh....

That is just one example of the many I can talk about - to prove my point about teenagers. 
Their heads are just not attached correctly!  Or maybe they get abducted by aliens - the good, sweet, and kind kid that once was - is replaced with an alien teenager.  One who tries to drive the parental unit slowly and madly into psychotic and bizarre humans.
It's the Martian's ways of testing us.  It has to be that!

The aliens are up there - somewhere - enjoying the sweet kid that used to do things without arguing, without complaint, and without question - and we as parents are down here trying not to commit homicide against our devilish spawn. 

How often can I show her, explain to her, talk to her, and yell at her - about her room till it finally sinks in?!?!?!?!?
And let's not forget about the "girl" drama that comes with raising a teenager.  You can be raising a boy and still get all of that "girl" drama.

this is the response I get nowadays after asking about her school day.

"Well, so and so stopped sitting with me at lunch because she said he said that they said that I was talking about them."

"The guidance counselor had me in her office to talk about what she said that he did and about what I did to defend what she said..."

I don't think Olivia goes to any classes when she's at school.
How else can a whole day of learning go on and that's all she has to say???????

But, John and I are indeed raising a teenage girl, and it's turning into a teenage nightmare.

I was brushing the back of Olivia's hair the other day - because apparently the back of the head has no hair to be brushed....  Anyway, I was brushing her hair (even though she swore up and down that she had indeed got that part) and I could've sworn I felt two little horns sprouting out of her head....
Yup... my daughter is turning into a little demon child...
I am trying to be an understanding mom.  I too was once a teenage girl.  So, I know exactly how Olivia is feeling. 
I too had the drama of complicated middle school relationships. 
I too had all of the emotion and hormone induced headaches that come from trying to please everyone.
I too had the lunch room disagreements.

But, maybe I am just too old fashioned to be raising a girl in today's social media covered productions of so called "real life".

She still isn't allowed to have a Facebook account.  We keep saying no, but she insists on asking everyday anyway.
We sat down with her and told her all about the troubles that come from just having a Facebook account, let alone have one when you're young and impressionable. 
I told her about defriending family members and other people because most people on Facebook are just silly... and that if she had one, that she too would be part of that silly and melodramatic world.
Yes, I know that I too am part of that silly world.  But, I have the wherewithal to weed out the crazies and just deal with those who aren't out to drive me insane...
Besides, I am much older than she, and can definitely handle it better than (we feel) she could. 
The last thing Olivia needs is to be friends with - oops... I'm sorry - Facebook Friends - with the people that I just cut out of our lives....
If that were to happen, all of this drama that I'm explaining here - all of that would quadruple in size and magnitude.

I fear for the safety of my daughter.  And rightly so.  No longer can a teenager go to a mall innocently and come back the same person.  What with all of the cell phone cameras, the tweeting that goes on, and all of the crap they like to call outfits being sold in today's stores- that barely pass for clothing to begin with. 
I have to keep hold of my struggling daughter - as much as she would like to fight it - I have to keep ahold of her... not let her go.  Because I know that once I do, she'll be exposed to all of the heartache and pain that I am trying to protect her from...
And I know I shouldn't suffocate her, that would just bite me in the rear later on, but I feel as if I have no other choice. 
Yes, she's turning into a teenager, and yes she has a foul attitude half the time, but she's still - overall - a good kid.  She still has compassion underneath all of the screaming and temper tantrums.  She still has love and kindness underneath all of that back talk.  She still has a general need to follow the rules underneath all of that mess of a bedroom.
So, while I still can, I'm going to cling tighter and hold onto her just a little bit longer.

Because I can, and because I love her.

That's it for now, and thanks for reading my few but dear readers...

Friday, November 1, 2013

Will Killing my Pain Kill Me?

Pain management appointments are quite frustrating.

I've been to two so far at my newest doc.  And he seems to know his stuff, medically speaking anyway.  He has me taking more (as he calls it) more good stuff and less bad stuff.

What did he mean?

More narcotics and less acetaminophen .  And it's a big jump for someone like me.  Don't get me wrong, I've taken every single pain killer out there - at least once - what with all of the surgeries I've had and the different hospital stays.  But, I was only taking the "hard core" pain killers for short amounts of time.  I'd take what I was given, as prescribed, and then go on with life. 
I've never done it like I'm doing it now.  Every so many hours for an extended period of time... So, while I'm happy this new doc is doing what he can for me, I'm a little frustrated that I need to take opioids for so long. 
I know the dangers of this, as well as the upside to it.  Dangers, obviously is a risk of dependency and becoming addicted to a certain drug.  I had to watch a few people I love deal with addiction from strong narcotics - and they weren't taking them for the "high" either - they had them for legitimate purposes and innocently took them as prescribed, but quickly became addicted.  It was hard for them to get off of the strong pills. 
Of course, the upside to taking such strong and powerful medication is the whole reason I'm taking them anyway.  To have less pain.  And I definitely see that now.  I have less pain.  I'm not free of pain, but I am definitely seeing my pain levels (on a scale of 1 - 10) go down.  Which is a wonderful experience!
But, while I have less pain, I'm also worried about the bigger picture.  Less pain today might mean more pain later, when or if I ever become so dependent on them that I would have to have withdrawal symptoms because of getting off of them. 

I remember the one and only time I went to a casino to actually gamble.  We went with some really good friends of ours.  I remember watching old women and retirees - with nothing better to do -  slip quarter after quarter and dollar after dollar into a slot machine, hoping that it would pay off and all the bells and whistles would alert them and everyone else in the surrounding area that they had won the jackpot.  I had a lot of pity for them.  I thought, "How silly!  Why not just keep the money you already have in your pocket?"
I know they were after even bigger money and the eventual pay off would be somehow worth losing hundreds of dollars at the hands of a big name casino. 
Am I headed for that same outcome?  Am I going to be like those old women sliding money into a slot machine, hoping for the next big payoff?

Am I going to be asking my doctor, month after month, for a better pill, a bigger pill, in hopes that I can have even less pain?  I know that my body will become "used" to whatever I take, especially if I take things for a long period of time.... But, I am also in need of that relief. 
If I don't take anything, if I just stop taking pills that help make my pain better, I will be at the mercy of intolerable nerve pain that will literally make me want to blow my brains out. 
I've been there already!  I do NOT want to go back to that!  EVER!

Even now, as I type this post up, I feel some of my nerve pain, and this is just three hours since I've taken my last pain pill.  So, I know that stopping now is NOT an option.  Unless of course I want to die at my own hands.  Which, I don't.

So, this is how life looks now. 

A cocktail of medicines - some for high blood pressure, some for high cholesterol, others for my underactive thyroid, others still for migraines.  I also, of course, take large doses of insulin throughout the day, via insulin pump.  But, now I'm also taking meds for pain.  And these meds are the first thing I reach for every morning.  They're out there in the front of all the other pills I take. 
Let's face it, I've been taking all of the other medications for years now, but I don't feel the "goodness" that they provide.  I mean, I can see the positive effects of those things by looking at blood work and getting results from the nurse.  And I see the positives from insulin therapy because I test my blood sugars all the time.  But, all of those positives are perceived by me differently than when I feel the positives from a strong narcotic.
Because, I actually feel the effects of my pain killers.  And I like the feelings of relief I get from those. 


I know that I need to manage my pain, and I know that this doc will help me do it, and I also know that I can get help from that same doc if I ever want to stop taking strong pain killers.  Him and his staff have a myriad of resources to give to those who need to stop or no longer have any need for narcotics.  I'm actually hopeful (as silly as it sounds) that someday, in my lifetime I will see a cure for small fiber neuropathy.  I've been told for 2 years now that there will never be a cure, but I've also been told that a cure for type 1 diabetes is out of the question.  And lately, there has been two vaccines on the news and on the web that are just one funding step away from human trials to not only stop the virus that causes type 1 diabetes, but one of the vaccines will actually reverse those who are already afflicted with it!
So, when a doctor tells me that there is no cure, I tend to take his words with grain of salt - at least eventually I do. 

So, anyway, that is it for now... I'm actually in quite a bit of pain as I end this post.  I will be using today - this rainy and windy day - to write a little bit more in my book. 

Thanks for reading, my few, but dear readers...