Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Who Ordered the Ford Ranger?

It's after 2 in the morning.  I did try going to bed, but couldn't sleep.  My sinuses are all stuffy, I'm sneezing, and my feet really burn tonight.
So, here I am. 
And now I'm going to blog.

I think tonight's blog will be about Olivia.  Having just celebrated Mother's Day, I thought it would be fitting.

Of course, my loving and sweet daughter made me the cutest Mother's Day card - like - EVER!  She made a trifold card for me and one section of it had "Facts about my Mommy."

To keep this mostly an intimate card between mother and daughter, I will not reveal all of what she said.  However, I will say that she did put a fact on there, that at first glance couldn't believe what she had written.  And since this fact is mostly public knowledge, I shall let you in on what this tidbit of information was.

"She hit McDonald's with her car when she was younger."


I did that almost 17 years ago, and to this day, it's still brought up in conversations when people need a good chuckle.  It could be a holiday, a birthday, heck - even a game night - and someone will certainly almost always bring up the fact that I had traffic backed up for blocks for at least 2 hours at the local McDonald's because I had hit the building... Thank GOD that cell phones weren't equipped with video cameras - thank GOD that there really weren't that many cell phones back then.  I guarantee if I had done that in today's world, I'd be famous on Youtube and end up on Tosh.0 or World's Dumbest.

I was 17 years old at the time   I was craving chicken nuggets with barbeque sauce and a strawberry shake.  And for me, that meant a trip to McDonald's.  Having just got my driver's license,  I (in the sweetest and most innocent voice I could use) asked my mom if I could take her Ranger to go to McDonald's. 
Keep in mind, my mom had just got her Ranger back just a few days prior.  It had been in the shop getting body work done for a couple of weeks. 
Mom did eventually hand me her keys - with great reluctance - and strict orders to go and come right back.
So, I dragged my friend Laurie (who had spent the day with me) to McDonald's and we got in line at the drive-thru.
Placed my order.
"Drive around to the first window please."
I start to drive around and after I got to the first window, but I never re-corrected the steering wheel to go straight ahead to the next window - where my feast awaited.
So, you can imagine it.
I hit the accelerator with very little force to go collect my food, when

I had hit the building. 

And about a gazillion thoughts are going through my head all at once.

My first thought and actual words were of course, many many many many curse words all at once - followed by hitting the steering wheel with my fists in anger and embarrassment. 
My friend Laurie was just staring at me.  She stared at me, then looked at the damage I had caused and said something along the lines of , "Sliv, we gotta get out of the truck."
I couldn't get out on my side, of course, because I had just glued the vehicle to the side of the building.

So, with much humiliation and with my head hung low, I climbed out of the passenger side of my mom's truck and actually saw what I had done.




There were 2 or 3 cars behind us at the drive-thru and the person right behind us also got out of her car.  She asked if we were alright. 
I think I mumbled an answer, but was becoming distracted by the manager of McDonald's coming out of the building.  She didn't look happy at all. 
She asked if we were alright, and kind of ushered us into the kitchen entrance. 
"Do you want to use the phone to call your folks?"


However, I said, "Yes."

I had stared at the phone on the wall at McDonald's for a few minutes. 
I couldn't remember my own phone number.  I think I blocked it so I wouldn't have to face the wrath that I was sure was going to come from the other end of the conversation.  I was going into protective mode and I think I liked it better that way. 
But, I did end up dialing my home number.  In the back of my head, I was hoping for a busy signal and to my utter disappointment, the phone had started to ring.
My mom answered.

You know those moments when you were younger and you had to tell your parents something that you were sure was going to get you like years of outrageous punishments and questions galore?

Without hesitation, but with unmistakable and relentless apprehension and anxiety, I tell my mom the whole tale of how I just crashed her truck. 

Her first response was, "How's the truck?"


Yup.  She really wanted to know how much damage I had done to her vehicle that she had just got back from the shop.
"Not good."
I heard my mom sigh and yell for Daddy to pick up the phone. 

Yippee!  Let's add more to the fun, mom.

"What were you thinking!?!"
I said it was an accident and apologized about a dozen times...

By this time, it's getting darker outside and the weather was threatening to storm badly.  Our order finally made it in front of us. While cradling the phone in my shoulder I took my wallet out so  I  could pay for it, but the manager said, "Don't worry about it.  You have bigger problems."
So my parents said that they were on their way.  I took my food outside, and saw a huge line of cars wrapped around McDonald's and backed up throughout the parking lot and spilling out into the streets.
I guess nobody was cooking at home that night.  And why should they?  Why eat a boring dinner at home when you can go to Mickey D's and get dinner and a show?    Some people were impatiently honking their horns, while others laughed at me, and then there were those that looked at me thanking their stars that I wasn't their kid who had done this.
After I had finished eating, I sat there with Laurie.  We didn't say much.  Just stared at the traffic, the demolished truck that was stuck to the side of the building and my feet.
Lightning had started to strike. 
And this is all true...
It was so hot and humid, it was mostly lightning.  But eventually, thunder, wind and rain showed up too.
So, it's storming outside.  I had just crashed my parent's vehicle into a fast food restaurant and I was waiting for them to show up and rescue me from this totally embarrassing situation.

I see a van pull up into the parking lot. 
I recognized the van as the family van. 

I only saw headlights at first, but then the van had parked about 3 spaces away from a parking lot street light. I knew it was our van.  I first saw my mom get out.
Then, I saw a man get out from the driver's side, cowboy hat on - all in black - and this man was holding a crow bar and he was walking very tall.   

When I saw him, I shit several bricks.
I couldn't even swallow.  I was so nervous.

The man was my dad, with a crow bar in his hand.  The crow bar wasn't going to be used on me, of course.  But, I have to be honest with you - for a brief moment there,  I really thought it was going to be.  The crow bar was going to be used to free the Ranger from the building.


It took my dad several blows to the truck to finally release the building from it's grasp.  I could hear him banging and hitting.
I was shaking uncontrollably.  My mom, Laurie, and I just stared at the whole scene. 

He got it loose. 

He was able to drive it away from the building.  It made an awful sound, but it was drivable
When the truck was safely away from McDonald's, I saw my folks go into the store to talk to the manager.
Then I saw them come out.
Laurie and I got into the van with my mom.  Dad got into the truck and we drove home.

That whole night, I don't think my dad said one word to me.  He may have, but I don't remember.  All I remember was the look on his face.  In the rain, black trench coat on, cowboy hat on, and a crow bar in his hand.  Those images are forever burned into my head. 

So, that's it...
The whole sorted tale on how I crashed into the side of building going 2 mph and totaling a truck that my mom had just got back.
(FYI, the building sustained no damage)

I'd like to thank my daughter for reminding me of that whole evening.  (Of course, she wasn't around back then, but like I said, this story comes up often and she gets a kick out of it every time)

There you have it. 
That's how you get a free meal at McDonald's.  :)


  1. I think me backing up into your car in my own driveway was a lot easier to handle! LOL

  2. and a lot less embarassing! LOL :)


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