This morning I woke up and smiled. I couldn't believe what I was feeling - or - not feeling, in this case. My pain was gone! My feet didn't feel as though they were on fire with hot shards of glass stuck in them. My legs didn't feel like they were going to explode from unbearable pain and agony. My back - my amazing back didn't have that familiar "coming and going" pain that it always has.
I mean, how is it possible! How could I wake up and not feel a.n.y.t.h.i.n.g.???
I usually start the day with a handful of pills and some insulin. This morning, I can at least leave two of those pills out of my hands. I mean, I don't need to take pain killers if I have no pain, right?
When I stepped into the shower, I actually enjoyed the warmth of the water as it cascaded down my to my feet and I took the time to stand there and I watched the water flow down the drain - instead of just hurrying up my shower so I could get out and get off my feet again.
I stood in front of the mirror and I slowly and meticulously took the hair brush to the all of its curls and took my time making myself "knot free" and pretty for John. Since I had no pain today, I was able to take the hair dryer to it and actually stand there and dry my hair.
After my time in the bathroom, I went out to the kitchen - without the use of a cane! I couldn't believe it! I could walk down my hallway and not be in any kind of pain whatsoever! I slowly opened up the refrigerator and got my coffee creamer out. It was weird not having to prop my cane onto the counter so I could lean into my fridge and get it out. What was weirder is that I didn't have to check my blood sugar! My type 1 diabetes was gone!
I cannot tell you how good it felt - that absolutely freeing feeling - of drinking a cup of coffee without having to stick my finger first so I could bolus for it!
That's right! No more insulin pump for this girl! I no longer have a machine attached to me via plastic needle and tubing with insulin running through it all day long. I cannot begin to describe my exact feeling at this moment. I mean, I could actually, if I wanted to - go to bed totally in the nude! No worrying about wearing pants or at the very least, a sports bra so I can clip my pump onto something.
*I probably will be clothed, though. I mean, it is winter outside.*
As I was sipping my coffee this morning, I couldn't stop smiling. I can go back out to the kitchen - again, cane free and pain free - and pour a big bowl of cereal - ANY CEREAL I WANT! I no longer have to measure how much cereal I am putting into my bowl. I can just pour and pour. And I can add the milk as well, without having to worry about the bolus-ing I would inevitably have to do to use it on my cereal.
I then started to think about the rest of my day. What would I do? I could do anything! I mean, I no longer hurt. I don't have to worry about my cane and how far I could walk without crying because of the broken glass in my feet.
I decided that I would take my dog, Molson, out for a long walk around the neighborhood. I mean, the last time I did that, I think it was back in 2011. He's due for a nice long walk.
So, I finished my delicious breakfast, and I grabbed the leash, coaxed my dog off the chair and to his amazement (and mine) we went for a walk. It felt great to walk my dog again! We both missed it! And he was so happy that we had that time together. As was I.
I went back into the house and decided I was going to go for a drive. I grabbed my keys and my first stop was to the middle school. I picked up Olivia after giving a lame story about a forgotten doctors appointment, and for the first time in almost three years, I went to the mall with Olivia and didn't have to worry about needing a wheelchair. We walked around the mall for hours! I would've taken her to the park had it not been below freezing outside. But, the mall was just as fun! We did some serious girl shopping! This store and that store. We tried on dozens of outfits and giggled and stopped at the cafeteria for some girl gossip and lunch. We had such a great time!!!
After we got back from the mall, I wasn't in any pain - I mean, I could go out to the car all three trips it took to bring all the bags in and not be begging Olivia for her help. Besides, she was too busy ripping tags off of all of her merchandise to even care anyway.
I excitedly called John and told him the good news! Of course, after hearing my almost unbelievable story of not being a type 1 diabetic and not having any more pain, he rushed home, just to take me back to the bedroom, lock its door, and... well... you know...
Anyway, after we were done - you know - we decided to take a vacation. A vacation that didn't need to be planned around insulin, wheelchair accessibility, or pain pills having to be divided out to how many days we were going to be away. We decided to go down south. Where the weather was warmer and where I could do some serious "in-the-sun" walking. And did we walk!!! We walked for hours and hours and we shopped for souvenirs and we did some snorkeling and we did some deep sea fishing. We went out to dinner and we ordered a big bottle of champagne. We had reason to celebrate. I was a free woman!
No longer was I tied to the house. No more did I need to worry about my blood sugar or how many carbs there were in my food. No more did I have to be concerned about the wheel chair and where it would fit and where it wouldn't. No more did I to keep track of what pain killer I was taking or what day I would need to apply a new pain patch. No more did I worry about the functionality of my kidneys or how long my eyesight would last. I was pain free and no longer a type 1 diabetic!
So, yes, we definitely had reason to celebrate.
I can't remember the last time I was this happy. My whole life was again at peace. I had no physical worries of any sort! I had so much fun with Olivia and an incredible and romantic vacation with John.
I cannot remember the last time I was this happy.
Seriously, when was it??
I woke up.
It was all just a dream.