A Sad Country Song

Wow... What  a long break it's been between posts.  How many times do I have to apologize before I slowly start running out of readers.  I don't have many, albeit true, but I would like to at least keep the ones I currently have.  And it won't happen if I am not more consistent in my posting.
So, again, I am terribly sorry that I've been "away" for a little while.

I'd like to always make excuses for why I've been away, today, I only have one or two valid excuses and reasons for being so absent.  The rest of my justifications are just that I've been feeling lazy.

So, I guess I will officially start out with excuse number 1.

Since our refrigerator stopped working a few months ago, it seems everything else electronic wanted out of our lives as well.  Soon after Mr. Fridge stopped running  (Is your refrigerator still running?  It is?? Well, then you better go catch it!!!!), our dryer caught fire and had to be thrown out with it's life partner, who goes by Mr. Washer.  You see, Mr. Dryer and Mr. Washer were a complete unit, and once one goes, the other usually goes along for the ride.  So, I had to say goodbye to three major appliances in a very short amount of time.  And now, we have three brand new appliances in the house, that are probably worth more combined than our actual home is...

So, when all of our appliances handed in their walking papers, I started scouring the internet looking for deals and sales so we didn't have to pay an arm and a leg to afford them... The fridge was the only thing I was able to get a really good deal on.  After that, I was so sick of trying to save money, I opted for saving my sanity instead.  We went blindly into Lowe's to buy a washer and a dryer.  And this time, we got side by side appliances.  That way, when one goes, we don't have to say goodbye to two instrumental devices at once...

A few weeks ago, we started noticing a little green mark on the left side of our TV screen that occasionally rears it's ugly head.  Not too bad and awful now, but we already resigned ourselves of this electronic friend as well.  So, when we make up our minds on what type of TV we will actually get, I will again be looking for deals and steals on the internet.  Gotta love Craigslist.

Excuse number 2

My health isn't the greatest.  You all know about my type 1 diabetes.  And most of you also know that I have small fiber neuropathy as a direct result of my type 1 diabetes.  So, many days are spent in pain.  And while blogging and posting used to bring me comfort, I am finding that it's doing the opposite of just that.  I am no longer calmed or relaxed while writing.  And I know it's because my pain level is so out of control.  I was already told that at my next pain management appointment that I need to have my pain meds changed.  And while that is all fine and dandy, my next appointment isn't till June.
sigh...
My (pain management) doctor said that I am becoming "used" to my pain meds.  And that is a scary slope that I wish I wasn't on.  I knew that the day would come (that I would become numb to my medicine), but I guess I was just hoping for a much later date.  I am so stressed out over the lack of relief I am getting and I only get 1 or 2 days a week now that my pain level is at a 5 or under.  This just started a few weeks ago.  I even had a family doctor's appointment and during that particular visit, I had almost zero complaints due to my pain.  But, that changed two days or so later...

I also have been having a heck of a time sleeping.  I have so many night terrors and I also have an incredible amount of pain in the evening hours that I am lucky to have 3 good  solid hours of sleep.  Not being able to take alot of sleepless nights, I began the God awful task of scheduling sleep studies.
At my first one, I was hooked up to a million different wires that did a million different things and had (not surprising) an awful night of sleep.  I got my results and it turns out that I have high-mild (meaning, close to moderate) sleep apnea.  My dream (or REM) sleep is so active, the nurse was quite surprised at everything that was said during the night.  I knew I was an active dreamer though (and the sleep study people know it now too), because my husband still (14 years later) sleeps with one eye open.  He is constantly telling me of the crazy antics I do during the night time hours.  I swear like a sailor, I have full on conversations - so much so that if I'm in bed before John, he actually gets up to be sure there's nobody else in the bedroom that I am talking to.  I yell and scream during the night, I get violent and throw punches and kicks.
 Both John and Olivia said that sometimes they see me with arms raised up (and they equate what it looks like by comparing what I do to the motion of how the Nazi's greeted Hitler) and I also have walked in my sleep.  I think the last time I walked in my sleep, though, was when Olivia was first born.  So, yeah, I really don't get alot of sleep.  And the sleep study recognized it right away.
I was scheduled for a second stay, and in that stay I was given a CPAP machine (I chose the kind that just goes into my nostrils) and I am currently awaiting those results.

I was also told at my last ophthalmologist's appointment that I have glaucoma.  Well, actually what they said was that "Your retinopathy has all but cleared, but it looks like you have glaucoma."   My face was instantaneously a smile turned frown when I heard that particular news.  I already have a vision field test scheduled and we will see how bad it is at that appointment.

So, you see, we've been dealing with quite a lot around here.  It seems after our dog died, that our lives turned into a sad and depressing country song.

I do have a bit of good news though.

GASP!  (did she say good news?)

I sure did.

The first weekend in May, John is taking Olivia and me camping.  I for one, cannot wait!!!  A change of scenery will do all of us a world of good!  I am really looking forward to climbing into my comfortable hammock again.  I seem to get the best sleep in those.  Even with the nightmares and apnea.


Easter is in day or so.  We have plans to visit with my parents for Easter dinner.  I am to bring the green bean casserole.
John and I spent way too much time and giggled a little too much while we were creating and wrapping up Olivia's Easter basket.  That man really knows how to make me laugh.  Even in the most mundane things, like wrapping a gift, he has me holding my sides because they hurt form laughing.  You have to love a guy who will strive to make his wife see past her pain and to bring a smile to her face... And he does that for me almost every day.

I've said it on here before, and I stand by it today.  For John to grow up the way he did... with all the moving and changing schools (he quoted me an actual number, and I think he said like 5 or 6 different moves and schools)  and some of the dysfunction of his family and even going through a horrible loss and death, and to turn out... like... like.... the exact opposite of  what you would expect.  He didn't (and doesn't) let all the crap he went through bring him down.  He is just so kind.  So caring.  So compassionate.  So loving.  So protective... He amazes me every day.  He surprises me every day.  I will continue to support him every day.  And I know that he loves me every day.

Every.
Single.
Day...


So, anyway, I guess that's it for now.
Thanks for reading, and till next time...