Twelve Short Years Ago

When we think about today's to do list, let's not forget about those that gave their lives and lost their lives today - 12 short years ago.
When we think about the horrible commute to work, let's not forget about the horrible commute of those in the airplanes 12 short years ago.
When we think about dropping our children off at daycare, let's take a minute to remember those children lost and the children who lost their parents on that devastating day 12 short years ago.
When we think about tonight's dinner menu, please don't forget about those who never made it home to dinner 12 short years ago.

When we think about the terrible fight we had with our spouses, take a minute or two to forgive them, because too many lost their spouses on that horrible day 12 short years ago.

When we think about the doctor's appointment we have today, try to remember all of those who still suffer from the effects of September 11, 2001 - just 12 short years ago.





I remember that day. 

Everybody remembers that day.

John was unemployed at the time, and was home in the shower when it all started happening and unfolding on the TV in front of me.
I was crying hysterically as I watched person after person jump out of the buildings to escape the fiery death that awaited  behind them.
John came out in a towel, asked me what was wrong, and all I could do was hold him as he learned about what was happening.
Olivia was just a baby.
She was drinking a bottle in her crib, unaware of the horror going on in New York, Virginia, and right here in Pennsylvania.
I have the unfortunate job to remind her year after year of the unthinkable actions that caused such devastating death and formidable loss that day.  I have to remind her that while she was just an infant, many people lost their lives and gave their lives just 12 short years ago.

I hate watching her face every year at this time as I sit down to watch the various programs that discuss in agonizing detail the terrible acts committed that day - just 12 short years ago.

But, that day has forever changed our nation's history. 

That day is a day I will never forget. 

That day, I will always remember those who bravely gave their lives to save those who were trapped. 

I will hug my husband and my daughter a little tighter tonight before bed. 

I am thankful that I don't have to think of a lost loved one that day.

I will never forget.

 

Slow Dancing by the Fire on Jeep Island

Well, as far as camping trips go, the last one we just ventured on was probably one of my favorites...
It is certainly in the top 3 on the camping scale. 

I know why I enjoyed this one more than I have the other countless trips.

I do try to have fun in each scenario we find ourselves in, but I have to admit that some camping trips I'd like to try and forget.

But, never this past one. 

I'll never ever forget this past camping adventure on an unnamed island on the Schuylkill river.  Well, technically, it isn't named by anyone that can put it on a map.  But, John named this island Jeep Island.  

Why, you ask?

Because when he first started camping on that island with his best bud Mike, they found a miniature jeep on the island.  You know, one of those cars that little kids ride around in?  Well, there was a jeep version of those cars on the island.  Hence the name... Jeep Island....

They've camped on other islands before too.  Throughout conversations with John and overhearing John on the phone with Mike, I have heard several names for the islands....
Let's see...
Jeep Island, Daytona Beach, Spider Island, Turd Island....
I think there's one more. 

But anyway, we ended up on Jeep Island.

And we had so much fun!

From the time we get to the island to the time we leave the island, my husband John is the most caring individual there is. 

This time was no exception.

We "docked" our "catamaran" that John made (don't worry, I'll post a pic of it later), and he helps me out of the canoe and always pulls out my camping chair, and orders me to relax and enjoy the view while he unloads and sets everything up.   Every single time.

Then, after everything is unloaded and set up, John will start making his coffee and he always asks if I would like a cup.  Then he'll make mine, put in the perfect amount of creamer in it, and hands it to me...

This particular trip was so much more than just enjoying nature or exploring some of the woods surrounding us...
This past trip was more of a "romantic getaway" for us.

I had no idea that this man had so much up his sleeve for this weekend...  I just thought it was going to be like the other camping trips we went on - and like I stated above, I always try to have fun no matter where we are...

John made me my favorite Mountain House meal, poured me something to drink and we sat there, at the fire eating our dinner.  The fire itself seemed to know that it had to burn for a long time....  It was so big and orange and warm, it was just perfection inside of a fire ring.

After dinner, John put on some music on Pandora.  And we listened to it and just sat by the fire.  Every now and again, we'd make some small talk, but we've been married for so long, small talk isn't always necessary.  We were just happy being there.  We were living in the moment, that is for sure.

Then, one song came on.  A song that - for my own girly reasons - I've been thinking a lot about.  It's a song we both danced to at John's senior prom.  When it came on, John was stoking the fire a bit.  He turned and looked at me, extended his hand, helped me up out of my chair, and locked me into a warm embrace that almost took my breath away. 
He quietly asked me if  "I wanted to dance."  

And so we danced. 

The moon above us, the fire next to us and the warmth of each others arms and just like that, I was in Heaven.  We were the only people on Earth that evening.  And it was something straight out of a Harlequin Romance novel... 
Of course, he didn't stop romancing me after our slow dance by the fire.  But, those other details, those very special and intimate details stay between John and me. 

Let me say though, that I didn't think I could love John any more than I did that evening before we danced on Jeep Island.  But, I was wrong.  I fell more in love with him that night.  And I cannot stop smiling. 

Some girls get flowers (don't get me wrong, I've gotten the bouquets every now and then too) and some girls get chocolates. 

I got what I needed.  A loving and caring guy.  A guy who is forgiving, compassionate, full of humor, and full of romantic gestures.  A guy that I know in the bottom of my heart, God sent to me.

I know alot of you are rolling your eyes or sick of my saying how good I have it.  How I hit the jackpot in the husband category.  And that's ok.  I really don't care what you naysayers think. 

John himself gets weird looks when he's with the guys and they're all complaining about their wives.  They look at him like he has three eyes when he says how happily married he is.  But, we are.  We are more than happily married.  We're practically giddy about our marriage.  And in December, we'll be married for 14 years.  And I'm more in love with my husband than ever before. 

My John takes such good care of me.  He really does... 
And it's the little things too that he does. 
Did you know that he put a lift kit onto his Jeep.  And that it's near impossible for me to climb in and out of it.  He keeps a folding stool in his Jeep for me.  Gets it out when I'm getting in and back out again when I get out.  How freakin' sweet is he?????   But those are the kinds of things that he does that makes me realize that he is the best husband in the world.

My heart and soul longs for John when he's away.  He truly is my other half.  And I'm not complete without that man...

So, roll your eyes and laugh at me if you want. 

But, while you're rolling your eyes, I'm busy being loved by the most awesome guy in the world....

two canoes held together by ratchet straps and polyurethane boards

two canoes held together by ratchet straps and polyurethane boards

my handsome hubby planting a kiss on my cheek for the camera <3

the view from Jeep Island

we sleep in hammocks when we camp

Our Love

As someone who lives in  a state of pain 24 hours a day, when ever you pile on another ailment, it always adds to my personal and unending discomfort.
In this case, it's bronchitis.  Well, I think now, it's down a level or two to just a head cold.  Maybe it's a chest cold.  But, it actually feels like both. 

So, my feet and legs are quite bothersome and I can't lay down at night without coughing and "wretching around" - as John likes to call it - all night long.  First I'm hot, there goes the blanket.  Then, I start to shiver, back underneath my blanket.  All night, coughing, switching positions, sneezing... And since I'm this sick - my blood sugars are WAY out of control.  So, I'm also up a lot due to that. 

sigh...

Last night, I got maybe - maybe - an hour's worth of sleep last night.  Scratch that.  Wait, it was less than an hour.  I turned on my Coast to Coast AM radio station, which shuts itself off after an hour.  And when I finally did doze off, I woke back up, listening to the same station....

Then, I turned on the TV.  I was trying to look for anything that might interest me.   But, in the wee hours of the morning, TV sucks ass.  So, I went out to the kitchen, grabbed my awesome new cell phone, a pair of headphones, crawled back into bed and started watching Netflix.  I ended up watching "Pretty in Pink" with Molly Ringwald.  Good movie.  Great 80's music.  I thought for sure, I'd start getting sleepy. 
Instead...

I couldn't stop thinking.  Thinking of Olivia and her new school year. Hoping for a good year, void of homework fights and groundings...  Thinking of John and our upcoming short camping trip.  And then thinking of all of our shared dreams.  All of our moments of romance, laughter, and yes - even rage.

Which brings me to what I'm trying to say.

John is my soul mate.  I knew we were made for each other.  We were meant to be together.  Forever.  Even when we were younger and my parents forbid it, we still snuck around to just be with one another.  Even after my folks took him to court because he was an adult and I wasn't, we still fought tooth and nail to be together. 
There was absolutely nothing anyone could do or say or even preach to keep us apart from each other. 
We are in love and there will never be anyone else for us than.................... us.

So, last night... awake and definitely not sleeping.  I thought. 
I thought of John's senior prom.  I thought about how at 15, I was one lucky girl.  Getting ready to accompany my boyfriend to his senior prom.  When I got ready, I had all sorts of thoughts and expectations of what the evening might hold.
I put on my dress, my high heels, and did my hair and make up and waited for John to come pick me up...
When I laid my eyes on him walking up my sidewalk, I remember how he literally took my breath away.  There's my laid back John, always donning a sweatshirt and jeans... But, there he is... handsome as the freakin' devil in tuxedo....

We stood around and "said cheese" a million times for the parents. 

Then, it was time to finally make our way to the hotel where the prom was.  Up by the Berkshire Mall.  The Inn at Reading. 
It was beautiful.  That was the first time we danced a slow dance together. 
Songs like "Lady in Red" and "You Look Wonderful Tonight"  and even "Don't Dream it's Over" still bring me instantly back to that perfect evening with John....
The way we danced was perfect.
And it wasn't awkward.  We weren't straining to keep up the rhythm.  We just fit. 
And we've fit in every other way too since that evening...
There's not a day that goes by that I don't at least have a tiny thought of that perfect evening together.  It was (up until then anyway) the most romantic night of my life...

So, this morning, as I heard John climb out of bed, pour his coffee, and then sit down with me, I couldn't help but just be thankful that I have such a good, such a caring, such a romantic man to share my life with...

John is my whole world. 

Sometimes, when I talk about joining a Bible study or eating out with a girlfriend, John will remind me to talk badly about him.  Other women want to complain about their husbands, and will get annoyed if I have nothing bad to say about mine.

But, that's how it is with John.  He's really close to perfection.  There's just something about him that has embedded itself in my head and into my heart and soul. 

I could not have asked for a better man.  I really love my man. 
And I intend to stay here at home and get better so we can go on our little camping adventure this weekend. 
A tsunami won't stop me from canoeing down the river and beaching the canoe at the island of our choice, setting up a little campfire and just enjoying each other.... 

so, I guess that's it for now....
I'm sick.  And I'm in pain. 
But, I have a man with me in my life to make it a little more bearable. 
He's here to make my soup.  Hold my hair for me if I start to vomit.  Here to tuck me into bed and wash my hair for me if it hurts to bad to stand....
I love my John... so much...

And it's a complete love. 

Because he loves me too....

Fight for my Right to NOT have to Fight...

Wow...
I know I promised to stay in touch.  For my absence, I apologize. 
I have good reason to not have written like I should however. 

Life is just full of ups and downs.  Some I can handle, some I need help with. 

I got a phone call today from one of the elders at my church.  I was sitting down on my couch, like every other afternoon - today was not a good day - the pain in my legs and feet was just unbearable. 
So, as I was sitting down on my couch, I had started to cry.  Crying is my go to thing to do.  I cry because I am an emotional person.  I cry because I hurt so bad (or is it badly)...
Anyway, I was crying. 
Then my phone rang.
I picked up and as soon as I heard my friend (who happens to be an elder at church) - as soon as he said "Hi kiddo, it's Mike" I lost it....
The tears flowed uncontrollably and there was nothing I could do about it.
I think God knew I needed a man of enduring faith - you see, Mike deals with a lot of pain as well - but God knew I needed a man like Mike to call me today.
He knew that I would've been crying "tears in my beers" all day if nobody had called to say hi. 
You see, I take a lot of medication - some to keep me alive, some to help me stay healthier, and some for my unending pain.  And yet, all of those pills do not help my feelings of (at times) hopelessness and loneliness. 
I got back from vacation recently.  My parents took me and my daughter camping.  And while it was good to get out of my county and out of my boring house for awhile, it was difficult for me to have real fun. 
It seems like every time I try to get away - either with my extended family - or with my hubby and daughter - I just don't have fun any more. 
I suffer greatly at the hands of my small fiber neuropathy.  I can thank my type 1 diabetes for that.  It seems like fighting with my diabetes is useless.  It's who I am.  It's what makes me ... well... me.  I cannot fight something like type 1 diabetes.  And I shouldn't even try to fight it.  There's really nothing I can do about it anyhow.  I will ALWAYS have it, and therefore, fighting it is a battle that I cannot win and should not try to win. 
This disease has tested me in more ways then I can count.  And I'm sure I have a lot more testing to look forward to. 
I remember way back when - when I was first diagnosed with this horrible disease.  I certainly didn't understand it like I do now.  And after the health insurance disappeared, so did all of my insulin and syringes.  I had to come up with ways week after week to buy my own medication and then I had to try and live with it without proper doctor's care.  In 2010, I finally got a little help from the Reading Hospital and some of those Patient Assistance Programs - but, as far as my disease, the damage had already been done. 
My nerves are literally shot to hell.  And that is incredibly painful..
Some days, I can walk around - small distances, mind you - without much use of my cane.  Anytime after 3 though, I start to really feel my feet start to go.  Then I start to feel it in my legs. 
Whenever long walking will be involved I have to use my wheel chair or some other form of mobility....
With my pain, comes emotions.  My emotions are also hard to control.
Imagine - if you will - just indulge me here...
Pain every single day of your life.  Some days, it hurts all over  - literally from the hair down, you hurt and even a smile can make you hurt more.  This pain that you have is only semi controlled by medication.  So really, there is nothing to help you out of your funk. 
Praying doesn't seem to be relieving any of my distress.  God is either ignoring my cries for relief or He wants me to keep learning something.  Either way, I'm a frustrated and in pain woman. 
So, I am also a cranky woman. 
Thank God for my ever loving husband.  Sometimes John is the only person in this world that understands me and can comfort me in my trying pain days.  He supports me financially, emotionally, and physically.  He'll wash my hair for me, he'll do the dishes for me, he'll even grocery shop for me.  And do you know how sweet that is??   How much that means to me?? 
I could've easily ended up with a husband who isn't anything like that.  A husband that visits the bar every night, or doesn't care about the amount of pain that I live with.  I could have a husband that just isn't like my John. 
God knew what he was doing when I switched schools back in 7th grade.  He knew that I would be in a great deal of pain one day, and that I would need a caring individual in my life to help me through. 
So, I guess the point of this post is that God sees the future - and knows what He is doing - the character of God is so unfathomably great, it's sometimes hard to not to cry when I think about it. 
I needed a phone call today from my friend from church.  I needed a good husband to help me deal with the torment of my disease.  God knew I needed disability at a young age - so I had just enough work credits to get it.  God knew all of that.  I didn't. 
I can't wait for the day that I can thank the Lord face to face for all His graciousness and love. 
Until then, I will stop fighting my disease and start learning to live with it. 
Sure, I will have lots more days filled with turmoil and illness.  But, knowing that He is there to see me through it may help me endure those days a little better....

My Irresolute Rut

Hello there, my few and loyal blog readers. 

Lately, I've been feeling...

well...

I'm searching for the best word or phrase to describe how I'm feeling...

Aimless?  no... not big enough of a word

Unproductive, perhaps?  still not enough in there to describe how I'm feeling...

It's like the last few weeks, I've been feeling that there's absolutely nothing left for me to do... I mean, like literally... NOTHING...
Shit, I don't even have any real friends that I can call and hang out with.  I mean - I do have real friends.  But, these real friends all seem to have an exorbitant amount of money that they can spend to do real things with.  Where as me... well, I'm pretty poor.  When I say that I'm poor, I mean just that... I am pretty poor...
We have a huge savings... I mean, we have more money saved up now that we ever have... But, as far as everyday living and what not - we have nothing...
So, what do I do everyday?  I get up.  I pour a cup of coffee.  I take my cup of joe and sit down in front of either my TV or my computer to catch up what's been going on since I last did that - about 6 or so hours before that moment..... Then, I'll pour a fresh cup of coffee.  Then I'll take care of the little household things - make the beds, maybe do some dishes, clean out the litter box, every now and again I'll end up whipping out the vacuum cleaner to do some light vacuuming...

But, that's it!!!


So, life lately has been an aimless and unproductive rut.  There I am going round and round and round in that rut.  Feeling as if there's no escape.  Feeling as though I cannot get out of that rut.  Hoping for a real change in this rut.  Anything would do.  A curve that went in  a different direction.  A hill that went up or down.  Heck, right now I'd settle for an absolutely new rut to go around and around in.

I am just not comfortable in my own skin anymore.  I need to escape...
That's so unfortunate though...
Needing to do something that apparently you need money to do. 
Yes, yes, yes. 
You're all saying to "use your savings you stupid idiot!"  "go on a vacation!"  "take some savings and do something different!"  
Our savings is actually - and only sort of - our way out of this rut.  And that might not even happen like I think it may happen - if at all...
So, here I am...
I actually just spent about 10 hours in the ER yesterday.  I dropped Olivia off at my sister's and drove myself to the ER. 
Why did I go to the ER?
My family doctor suggested I go to the ER. 
I've been sort of sick lately.  It all started Friday when it started to burn while I was - ya know - sitting on the toilet... By the time that happened, my family dr. was already gone for the weekend.  Then, Saturday I started to feel a bit worse. 
But, the bad feelings - the complaints, if you will - were happening elsewhere. 
I started coughing. 
The coughing was consistent. 
Not only was I coughing, but these coughs were "unproductive" - go figure, right...
Anyway, my insistent coughing turned into ribs hurting from all the coughing.  Saturday night was pretty bad.  I was up coughing and coughing and coughing some more. 
I ended up feeling so sick that I had actually started to throw up - I'm pretty sure that was because of my coughing.  But, that doesn't make vomiting any easier, does it?  I mean, throwing up is still throwing up.  It SUCKS!
So, by the time Sunday rolled around, I was feeling quite ill.  I was praying for a quick return of Monday.  Because Monday, I could call my doctor and go see him and get some magical pill to make all of my illness just go away...
So, Monday finally came and I went straightaway to my see my family doctor.  He gave me some antibiotics and some sort of cough medicine that had codeine in it.  He said it was a sinus infection that wasn't life threatening or contagious and that the antibiotics would also help with the - the burning when I - ya know...
Anyway, got home from the doc's office and took my first antibiotic and about an hour or so after taking that - I started throwing up again - but, from a different location - yes, that's all I'm going to say.... Except for maybe the fact that I was seeing the color of red in that "vomit" in the toilet.  It was blood, I was sure of it...  And this new type of "throwing up" had been going on about every 30 minutes or so.  I had completely lost my appetite - I think the last thing I had eaten was on Saturday afternoon - and I don't even think I finished that.  I couldn't eat.   I couldn't drink.  All I could do was cough, run to the bathroom, cry on the toilet, cry with my head in my puke bucket, crawl back to bed and cry and cough some more...
There was a short amount of time on Monday that I felt good enough to start feeling quite sorry for myself.  I again had my "I'm stuck in this rut" feelings - did a little crying on my sister's shoulders and then waited for the next day to roll around so I could start all over... Hopefully without feeling as if I were dying and hopefully without feeling as though I needed to "run away". 
But, Monday night mirrored Sunday night which had mirrored Saturday night.  "Throwing up", not eating, not drinking, coughing all the time, head hurt, ribs had hurt from all the coughing.  I felt pretty bad and called my family doctor again. 
He told me to go to the ER.
So, I did.
The biggest thing they found was a pretty high white blood cell count (or maybe it was a pretty low white cell count) - whichever one it was, it was the opposite of what it should be.  That, and I was really, really dehydrated.  Two IV bags of fluids and some morphine (for the pretty bad rib pain) and some stomach ache reliever and that was it....
I clearly had infections  - from what they could tell with my blood work and urinalysis, it was a few infections my body was trying to fight off.  Clearly a really awful case of sinusitis, a bad UTI, the bloody "vomit" from the other direction - that particular test wouldn't be back for at least 48 hours, and they weren't sure about that one - but said I could go home - but to not mess around with the whole "vomit" from the other direction thing.  If that continued, I was to come back right away to the ER, and they would have to admit me. 
They sent me home with several new prescriptions - two of which they had to call in - but said to go home, rest, and rest some more.  To try to eat and to definitely drink...
So far, not much has changed. 
Well, scratch that.  I still have the diarrhea (although, it isn't as frequent) and absolutely no appetite to speak of.  But, whatever the ER doc gave me really helped me sleep.  I slept more last night then I have in the last two nights.  I am still coughing.  My ribs still hurt. 
So...
I think I'll give it till the end of today or tomorrow - and if I still feel this way, I'll go back to the hospital.

So, I guess I did get my change of scenery... A stint in the hospital ER isn't actually the dream vacation that I need, but I'll take it. 
It beat looking at my same four walls.  The same walls that have me feeling as if there's no escape.  That there are these invisible chains keeping me to these walls. 
I do know that someday soon, I'll be happy again.  I'll be just content with what I have. 
Hell, I've been content with what I have for more than 13 years. 
It was time to fall apart.  I can only smile and count my blessings for so long till I get sick of feeling like my blessings are far and few between. 
I need something  - trouble is - I don't know what I need. 
I did talk to John about all of this.  I suggested going out and finding some part time work (when I say part time, I really mean part time) I mean, even though I'm on disability - I can still work a little.  It's called "the ticket to work" program and means I could do some work and still get to keep my disability benefits.   
When I told John this, he looked at me like I was from another planet.  He said that there's no way - with the way I feel all the time - with how unpredictable my condition is - that I could ever keep a job.  Like EVER.  I suppose he is right.  I mean, nobody would keep me around long enough for me to even earn my first paycheck. 
He suggested that I find myself a new hobby.  A new friend.  A new anything that will keep my mind off the fact that I'm stuck in this house - day in and day out. 
He's right. 
Cable TV can only entertain you for so long. 
So...
I'm going to try and pick up something new.  My sister suggested crocheting.  A suggestion that until recently I have said "Absolutely NOT" to.  But, maybe I can do it.  It would keep my hands and brain busy.  And that's always a good thing.  And I would never have to shop for a new gift - ever.  Christmas?  Here's your new crocheted scarf.  Birthday?  Look, I made you a new purse.  Anniversary?  Hey, I made you new afghan. 
Well, I guess that's it for now...
Thanks for reading.
Till next time...

Summer Time

Yes, I'm back.  Yes, I've been busy.  And yes, I'm sorry it's been so long since I've posted....

Things have been so busy, I haven't had time to form a single thought, let alone a whole post for my blog. 

So, here I am.

Now, to begin...

It's summer time!  Yea!!!

I remember summers as a child and teenager.  I'd look forward to the beginning of the summer with great and excited anticipation.  The lengthy end of June, followed by a whole month of July, and yet another lengthy month of August.  About two and half months of no school, no homework, no getting up early, no studying... no nothing... the thought of all of that nothingness always filled me with great joy. 
But I could always find nice things to do in all of that nothingness.  Swimming in the pool.   Picking out cute shorts and tank tops to don.  Beach trips.  Taking long walks into the woods... The smell of honeysuckle.  The sounds of cicada's in the trees.  Long days and long nights... Ahhh.... the summer months are full of wondrous  non-planning and planning alike.
Up until after the fourth of July.  After that, I'd usually start itching for something more productive to do.  I'd start getting "ants in my pants".  That's when the sighs would start coming out of my mouth, quickly followed by the million or so "I'm so bored!"...   I'd stay that way till the next time we did something as a family, whether it was camping, going up to Clemmark, or another beach trip. 
When August came, the back to school commercials and signs and banners would appear and that is when my stomach would start to get all butterfly-ish and I'd start dreading the new school year.  Who would my new teacher (s) be?  What would the homework be like?  What if my friends had grown to hate me during the summer months?  What if my back to school clothes aren't as cool or cute as others? 
All the thoughts I had. 
They seem so silly now...
However, they don't seem like silly thoughts to my 12 year old daughter, who coincidentally is going through the exact same things that I did when I was her age...
sigh...

This summer, Olivia has already been out of the house for nearly 2 1/2 weeks straight.  This relative and that.  This friend and that one... Our front door has been a revolving door... Makes me happy though, because she doesn't have time to be bored when she's so busy... :)
Come August, she too will start to dread the thought of getting up early for (gasp!) seventh grade.  And I'll have to try and calm her fears like my parents did for me when I was growing up...
I guess that's it for now...

I'm terribly sorry that I made you wait for a new post.  I promise it won't be for as long next time...

Stay To The Right!

You know that scene in The Goonies (1985 box office hit) when Mikey has to "use the men's room"?  And Ma Fratelli insists that he "stays to the right!" like three different times??
Well, that scene kept playing over and over in my head today while I was on the river with John, Olivia, and our friend Mike.

For those unfamiliar with the movie, here is a video clip of what I'm talking about...

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/an-rFqyb7tnmht72/the_goonies_1985_wheres_the_bathroom/

(if the address is unclickable, then just copy and paste into your browser)

It was a beautiful Monday afternoon.  Bored out of our skulls, and low on finances, we decided to take our canoes and head down the river (with our good friend Mike) for a little day trip.  On this day trip, I packed all of us a lunch so we could sit at one of the islands and have an outdoor picnic.  With lunch, sunblock, bug spray, canoes, paddles, and life jackets all ready to go, we headed to the boat ramp to launch our canoes.
John and Olivia sat in "June" (the 17 foot Old Town canoe) and I took the smaller Old Town solo canoe, just as lovingly named, "Joy".   (John named his canoes after Olivia and me - yeah, he's a romantic and sexy guy)
The first leg of our trip went really well.  It was the first time in 12 years that I seriously got into a canoe or kayak to go down the river.  And this was Olivia's first big trip as well.  But, even though it was ages since I paddled down the river, I took to it like riding a bicycle.  My paddling was dead on, and that relaxed feeling of being on the river on a picture perfect day was starting to show on my face.

All was right with the world - or at least all was right in my world. 
Heck, even my pain limit was manageable today.  And anytime that happens, it's a great day.

So, we're sitting down on one of the islands, having lunch, taking some pictures, watching a boat load of other canoes and kayaks (pun was intended) go by and just having a good time.  I think it was Olivia who had asked John (or maybe it was me) how long it would take to get our final destination.
"Not too much farther.  We'll be in our canoes for a little longer than we just were. But, when we get to the trussle bridge, we'll need to stay to the right."

Seeing the flicker of slight alarm flash in my face, he continues by saying,

"You'll be fine.  I'll let you know in plenty of time what to do when we get there.  The water gets a bit choppy and there's a pretty strong current.  Don't worry.  You'll do fine."

He may as well put a sign on my that said in bright red letters "SOS", because I swear to you those words were my curse.

But knowing the confidence my loving husband had in me, I pushed the worry way down deep.  And feeling like I could take on the world, we all cleaned up and got back into our canoes to head back down the river.


Here's the part of this little story that should've set off bells and whistles in my head.  I should've taken this next part of the story and really heeded the foreshadowing in it and maybe prepared myself for what was going to come later.

So, settled into our canoes, John and Olivia kind of got up next to me in the river.  We were just talking, laughing, and relaxing.

"Hey John.  Is this paddle that you fixed?"

"Yup.  When I got it, it was broken.  I fixed it by using conduit and then I sprayed expanding foam in it."

"Oh.  Did you do that so it would float?"

"Yeah.  But, you know what?  After I fixed it, I had it out with me and Mike on one of our trips.  I wanted to test it and the damn thing sank straight to the bottom!  So, be careful with that paddle.  You lose it here in one of the deeper parts, you ain't getting it back."

With a bit of nervous laughter, we sort of separated from each other and continued our trip.

So, we're floating down the river and in the distance, the "Bridge of Infinite Worry and Utter Anguish" started to get bigger and bigger.  I voiced my concern and John said to "follow Mike and to just do what he does".  With another reassuring compliment from my husband, I started to follow Mike.

Mike's in the front, then it's me in the middle, and John and Olivia holding up the rear of our nautical convoy.

Mike goes under the bridge without incident.

Then, I start to head under. 

I did indeed "stay to the right" but the water rapidly got choppier and more swift.  I was paddling, and trying desperately to keep up with the current. 

I think that's when I heard the river laugh at me....

I was about to hit a piece of debris in the river that was sticking out, and overcompensating for my need to avoid any collision, I managed to tip over in the really bitter cold water of the river.

For me, it seemed to happen both in slow motion and at fast rate.
If I close my eyes, I can still see my hands grab onto the sides of the canoe as it's tilting dangerously to the left. 
About a million thoughts came rushing through my head at once.  Like literally, a million thoughts.

My first initial thought was how cold the water was.  It was so cold, that the instant I was in the water, I could no longer feel my feet.  Which under normal circumstances, I would've loved.  But, knowing that I was in very cold water and how important my feet are as a diabetic, I certainly didn't like the "I can't feel my feet" feeling.
I then thought of everything I had in the waterproof container we brought along (my insulin pump and the camera) and the not-as-important stuff I had in the "dry bag" (things like my ID, my meter, car keys) - I thought, "Boy, I'm putting those "waterproof" things to the test now, aren't I?"
I know I consciously thought to try and keep my mouth as closed as possible, for I didn't want a communicable disease from the filth I know lies in the river.
I remember thinking, "Ooops... There go my sandals.  I should've listened to John and wore sneakers."
I know I thought about the current that was threatening to take me to the opposite side of the river.
So, with all of these thoughts in my head and really not knowing how I was going to get myself out of this mess, all I could do was scream and cry out for John.
And let me tell you... that man was out of his canoe and next to me assisting in less than 30 seconds. 

He tended to me and I heard Mike say something about grabbing the now floating away canoe. 
John got me to stand  by a log that was sticking out of the water and handed me the front end of his canoe where Olivia sat with a horrified look on her face, and he told me to "Stand right here, hold onto this canoe and DON'T MOVE."
Shaking, but still alive, I managed to stand on the slippery rocks under my feet and hang onto the canoe that kept my one and only daughter dry.  It was tough work. I had lost my sandals, and I couldn't stop shivering.  And that current was so strong!
But, knowing that Olivia was so scared and so frightened, I made keeping her safe my number one priority.
John and Mike, meanwhile, are starting to retrieve the canoe.  I saw them flip it back right side up in the water, and I saw Mike grab my shoes and dry bag from the water.
John comes back to Olivia and me and tells me to hang onto the front of his canoe while he pushes it towards the tiny beach where Mike is. 
"O (teeth chattering) K (teeth chattering)"  was all I managed to say.

So, that's what happened.  John pushed me and Olivia closer to the tiny beach where Mike was.  John helped Olivia out of the canoe while Mike helped me put my sandals back on and he helped me to walk safely onto the beach.   Both men were helpful, brave, and very gentlemanly about the whole ordeal.

Since Olivia and I were out of harm's way, John and Mike set out to get my lost kayak paddle (remember?  the one John told me specifically not to drop into the water?)

They could see it.  But, where it was, the current was pretty fast and it was also about 7 or 8 feet down.  The reward didn't match the risk, so they both came back to where Olivia and I were. 
I was shivering and half crying, half moaning.  I had inspected both water proof containers.  All my important stuff stayed dry.

 The only thing that was wet was...    well...     me.

All in all, it was a great day.  I ended up using Olivia's canoe paddle to finish up our trip.  And we all had a lot to laugh about.  Them more than me.  I was too busy trying to will my body temperature back up.





John told me that I need is more "seat time" and I'll get better and better at it.  that man sure does have a lot of confidence in me.  I guess I can do now is prove to him that he's right. 

Thanks for reading!

Till next time....